GAIN THE MASTERY OVER ANGER!

Anger – we all know what it is. We all feel it. Anger is simply a strong feeling of displeasure or irritation towards oneself, someone or over a situation or an occurrence. Not all kinds of anger are bad. Some types of anger when expressed well can help you and others to achieve better results and can also help to change a wrong situation or habit. However, if not controlled well, anger can escalate to rage which is a more violent form of anger. It is 100% okay to feel angry. This is because it’s a normal emotion. Just like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes which may include increase in heart rate, blood pressure and levels of some energy hormones in the human body.

We have different types of anger and ways of expressing them. I will summarise just a few in this article. Some types of anger and ways of expressing them incude:

1> Passive Aggression/Anger: People usually express this type of anger through “silent treatment”. People with this type of anger usually sulk, procrastinate and act like “everything is fine” when actually, everything is not fine.

2> Open Aggression/Anger: I am sure you can guess how this is expressed. People usually vent this type of anger by being so furious to the point that they fight, lash out on others, destroy things, hurt others and also hurt themselves. It also comes with a lot of shouting, screaming, sarcasm and criticism when one is angered.

3> Assertive Anger: In this type of anger, people usually express their feelings and emotions confidently and in a lesser aggressive way. They express exactly how they feel in a simple and clear manner without generalizing. They also show respect for the feelings of others by listening attentively to understand how the other person really feels. Being assertive is a very healthy way of expressing anger.

4> Chronic Anger: When something is chronic, it means that that thing is habitual or incorrigible, persistent and doesn’t seem to be ending soon. This type of anger is expressed through constant nagging, irritation, complaining and even destructive criticism. People with this type of anger usually feel bitter and sad about themselves, other persons and circumstances even when there is no cogent reason to feel that way. It’s not a healthy type of anger.

We have other types of anger and how they are expressed. The list goes on and on. You can do some personal research on that. Kindly tell us about others that aren’t mentioned in the comment section if you have any ideas.

While it is perfectly okay to feel irritated when you’ve been hurt, mistreated, wronged or when things are not done right, it can be a problem when you express your anger in a way that harms you or those around you. Many persons feel that their anger is “always” justifiable, others believe too that giving vent to their irritation earns them “respect” or esteem. Sadly, this isn’t always true because an uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgements and even get in the way of your success.

Chronic and openly aggressive anger if left uncontrolled can have serious consequences on your physical and mental health. Yes, constantly giving vent to heated emotions can put you at risk of a heart disease, insomnia and high blood pressure. It consumes your energy and saps your joy, preventing you from enjoying life and its beauty. It can lead to stress and depression. Uncontrolled anger can sever good friendships and relationships, causing lasting scars in the hearts of your loved ones.

Is it really possible to control or express your anger in a less harmful way and achieve better results? The answer is a big YES! You can get the mastery over it. How? Well that’s the main purpose of this article; to help you learn how to manage and control your anger. We’ll discuss these ways of anger management under instant help and long term help. Let’s see some ways that have proven effective for many persons. You can learn from them too.

INSTANT HELP. I will let you in on some ways you can control and manage your anger immediately you feel strongly irritated.

1>Identify the trigger. Something always triggers an angry feeling. There is always an underlying cause. It could be internal factors especially your thought patterns which may be very subjective. It could also be external factors, maybe someone, a circumstance or even a situation or occurrence at a particular time. Identifying the cause of your anger can help you take a better objective look at matters and you will be helped not to overreact.

2> Take deep breaths or count down. Taking deep breaths slowly calms your heart rate and can help you think before you speak out what’s in your head. Counting down to a number, let’s say 10 can momentarily take your mind of the situation and this will help you not to let the emotions out in a harmful way.

3> Repeat a mantra. Repeating a mantra helps to calm your heart and emotions. This method always works for me. When I am hurt and I can sense that irritation rushing in, I usually say some positive words quietly to myself. Sometimes I say things like: “Calm down. This will pass. Everyone must not think and act like you. Be patient “. Well I usually feel okay after that and I direct my attention to something else. What about you? What positive words can you say to yourself when you are angered?

4> Listen. Everything mustn’t revolve around you. It’s possible that the other person may be trying to pass a valid message but could be doing so in a wrong way. Learn to see and hear beyond the words. Listening will help you to get the sense in the message. This will help to diffuse the tension and you’ll know how best to adjust.

5> Let it go or walk away. If you are in an argument or conversation that’s leading to nowhere and will likely get you angry, my dear please agree to disagree. Give it up at that time and let go of it. If you find yourself in a situation that has a tendency to get you furious and may lead you to do or say something that you’ll regret later, it’s always wise to walk away at that moment in time.

LONG TERM HELP: Let’s look at some things you can do and skills you need to acquire over time to help you manage your anger. They will help you learn to control your irritation and channel it in a way that will bring better results.

1> Avoid too much intake of Alcoholic Beverages. Alcohol usually affects the human brain in a way that inhibits control over our actions especially our emotions. It decreases one’s self-control. Little wonder many persons tend to do bad things that they later regret when they are intoxicated. If you are someone with a bad temper and you are usually aggressive when irritated, it will be wise if you abstain from over-drinking. Drink moderately or better still totally avoid it.

2> Learn to be Assertive: Wikipedia defines Assertiveness as “the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.” An assertive person communicates or expresses himself or feelings in a clear manner without raising his/her voice. He/she doesn’t exaggerate or generalize issues. He is direct in his expression and at the same time respects the rights and freedoms of others. It also entails being patient, communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling. An assertive person is also willing to compromise with others, rather than always wanting it their own way. Assertiveness is a skill that needs to be acquired by all. It is a healthy way to manage anger and this usually achieves good results.

3> Role of Emotional Intelligence: According to Wikipedia, Emotional Intelligence is the “capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one’s goal(s).” Emotional intelligence is very useful in anger management. It entails a lot of qualities. If you are emotionally intelligent, you understand your emotions clearly and can tell exactly why you feel a particular emotion or why you react in a certain way. Empathy is an attribute of emotional intelligence. You put yourself in the shoes of others. You don’t judge people based on your belief system. Everyone is different and will obviously think, feel and act in different ways. You try to discern possible reasons for their actions and create some good excuses for them. When you learn the art of emotional intelligence, you’ll be able to avoid being overly and unnecessarily angry.

4> Get help. It’s possible that you may have to resort to professional help after many attempts to control your anger. It can be helpful to see a Psychologist or a Counsellor. Talk to them about your problem and they will be glad to help.

The truth still remains that you can’t eliminate anger and neither can I. In spite of your efforts, things will always irritate you at one point in time or the other. Sometimes your anger may be justifiable too. Life is not perfect. It’s filled with loss, pain, frustration amidst others. Well the goodnews is that you can control how you react to situations to get better results. It’s in your hands. When you learn to manage your anger, you’ll be helped to enjoy a better, happier and healthier life. Who wouldn’t want that? . Endeavour to put into practise the above mentioned strategies. It will be of great help. Yes, taming that beast is in your power and you can win!

I am sure you have learnt some useful tips from this article. I also believe you have other ways that has helped you manage anger. Please kindly share them in the comment section. If you know someone who would benefit from this, please be generous and share it.

#keepingitreal
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